Rock Along

Convincing myself to rock along the path I'm on is a really different pursuit for me. I've been one to go along just to get along always looking for the right answer and solution to issues that defy my mind and sometimes torture my spirit. Yielding outwardly and boiling inside. I've never considered that a weak trait because it takes great strength to subjugate my feelings, beliefs and wishes. I know however in the core of me that it is a weakness to always give in to others. Only a few times in my life I gave in to myself not regretting my actions but it bothers me that I feel guilty when I do. I never act out of spite or to cause anyone harm but I've felt guilty all my life and for the life of me I don't know why. It's so ingrained in me that I can't trust myself that I can only feel with permission. Can you see now what true friendship means to me and why I am such a sap about you. You let me shout who I am so damned loud it hurt my own ears and then you did an amazing thing, you accepted me and even more you celebrated who I am in the dark of night and you really wanted me and all the truth I could share. So now I rock along in my blue VW microbus plastered with the posters and stickers that have become who I am exposed in full view and I know you see them as you see my scars and blemishes and I feel like a thing of worth and beauty and I now know the real power and meaning of the word we call love.